One of the most interesting aspects of my job as a lead consultant designing, developing, and 
delivering business simulation-centric Business Acumen, Business Leadership, and Strategic Business Selling learning solutions is having the unique opportunity to meet and work with hundreds of business professionals a month.
As a result of this chance to interact with so many business people, I am privy to observations about the styles, attitudes, and cultures of many different organizations. Something that I have noticed more and more are business professionals saying something like the following in the course of important conversations and dialogues:
“To be honest with you I think that you should do X, Y, and Z.”
It’s time for leaders to stop being “honest.” Saying “to be honest with you” can damage your leadership reputation, diminish your level of trust, and ultimately impact your business performance. It can damage your reputation as a leader because you don’t intend saying that you weren’t being honest a few moments ago - or yesterday - but that is exactly what you are saying to the people you are working with and leading! As we all know from Business Leadership 101, perception is reality and if you keep pointing out how many times you are “honest,” people will begin to perceive that you are dishonest during the other times.
The question becomes why? Why do leaders use the term “to be honest with you?” I took a look at my notes from dozens of interviews I’ve conducted and recalled to the best of my recollection, conversations with leaders where the phrase has been used. I present four different common situations:
- When leaders are trying to create clarity and alignment
In this situation, a leader is trying to create clarity and alignment in an ambiguous situation. “To be honest with you, I think the competition is going to release a new version of their product and we need to increase our R&D budget to be able to compete.” In this example, the leader doesn’t know for sure so is using the word “honest” incorrectly to influence the team to do something different.
- When leaders are in tough situations
In this situation the leader is in a difficult situation and is being challenged; someone has asked a hard question, or the leader is in a highly intense or pressurized predicament. The cause of this could be a weakness in strategy or poor execution and the leader is caught off guard. “To be honest with you, I don’t think the team executed their sales plan very well which caused us to miss our revenue target.”
- When Leaders want to make a point or take a strong position
In this situation the leader is trying to emphasize a position, make a point, or take a position to win people over and influence them. “To be honest with you, I feel very strongly that we should open that new plant in Asia so we can take advantage of the lower cost structures.”
- Leaders use it in giving coaching and feedback
This is the worst possible situation! In this situation, the leader is using it as a tool to emphasize the “true” feelings about something very important in a feedback session. “To be honest with you, I think you need to do a better job of managing your team’s time and resources.”
In thinking through solutions and best practices of removing “To be honest with you” from your vocabulary, I present a few alternatives to integrate into your approaches of speaking and communicating. Instead of saying “To be honest with you” try the following strategies:
- Creating clarity and alignment scenario
“Even though we don’t have all of the data, I have assessed the situation and feel strongly that our position should be to increase our R&D budget to at least match the competition.
- Tough situation scenario
“Anne, that is a great point. In assessing the situation and looking at the data, I don’t think the sales team executed well. They were off message and didn’t make enough outward touches to customers.”
- Trying to make a strong point scenario
“Our focus has been on reducing costs in operations and I feel strongly that we should open that new plant in Asia so we can take advantage of the lower cost structures.”
- Giving coaching and feedback
“I reviewed the time and attendance report for your team and the budget for overtime pay for the past 2 quarters and noticed that your team is spending 25% more on resources than any other team with the same output. This is causing us to exceed our expense target and I need you to be more efficient moving forward.”
