It hit me a few days ago, when I was in our den, buried in some work. I overheard my wife in another room, speaking oddly, considering we were the only people in the house, and I knew she wasn’t on the phone, in an unusually structured tone for a Saturday.
Her voice was soft and deliberate, almost deferential. I asked who she was talking to. “ChatGPT,” she said, and after a beat or two, we burst out laughing. It was the first time I’d heard her speak aloud to a non-human natural-language model, and because I do it too.
Some quick, informal research suggested that many of us do this as well. As our laughter gave way to a more serious discussion, we realized we needed a name for the phenomenon. My wife went back to ChatGPT to create one: "botcourting.”
Why Botcourting Matters
Most of us are leveraging AI models to polish emails, debug spreadsheets, and help visualize large datasets. However, instead of treating AI like a spreadsheet program, we treat it like a new colleague.
We’re achingly polite, saying “please” and “thank you” before and after even the most modest requests. We clarify vague prompts with an apologetic, “Sorry, let me rephrase.” We present ourselves more like we’re in a boardroom than at our desks.
This is botcourting, a blend of etiquette, strategy, and subconscious self-awareness.
That small, funny moment with my wife revealed something bigger: AI isn’t just a tool we use, it’s a mirror reflecting how we work, lead, and adapt.
Each day brings new conversations about how business leaders are engaging, training, and even coaching their AI companions, and it’s abundantly clear that large language model digital assistants, such as ChatGPT and others, have begun reshaping not just our workflows but also our behaviors.
As AI integration deepens across our workplaces, homes, and hybrid routines, botcourting will become increasingly difficult to ignore. Nor should we. Because botcourting is more than a behavioral eccentricity: it’s a window into the future of leadership.
Why do we do it? It’s not because we think AI has feelings (at least, not yet). It’s because each interaction feels like it’s being etched into a digital ledger. In turn, this ledger shapes not only what AI recalls, but how we think about how AI might “remember” us.
In a world where data is the scaffolding behind both corporate and personal brands, each keystroke or voice command is a dataset that shapes how AI models “perceive” us—and, just as important, how we, in turn, perceive ourselves.
The Business Leadership Connection
Botcourting isn’t just a habit; it’s a diagnostic instrument for modern leadership. In an era where every interaction generates data, botcourting reflects a leader’s strategic intuition: the ability to navigate ambiguity in a digital-first world.
It’s a soft skill rooted in the same instincts that define business acumen:
In a future where AI prompts will likely be as much a part of the record as email or text messages, each interaction becomes part of your brand.
The Challenges: Reading the Signals
Botcourting can also highlight cultural red flags. If leaders are overly cautious or excessively polished with AI, it might reflect:
These aren’t just quirks, they’re business risks.
A culture of excessive caution with AI can dull innovation, erode trust, and turn even the best tools into mirrors of our organizational fear.
So What Should Leaders Do?
Recognize botcourting as both a signal and a mirror.
How you and your teams interact with AI isn’t just about productivity; it’s a reflection of trust, clarity, and adaptability. Every “please,” every rephrased request, is a kind of leadership tell.
Botcourting isn’t a quirk. It’s a cue. The way we talk to machines may be the most revealing leadership habit we didn’t know we had.