Why Being “Ghosted” Isn’t a Big Deal

Being “ghosted” by a customer, colleague, supplier, or anyone else in your business ecosystem that have an established relationship with can be very unsettling. Being ghosted refers to the sudden and unexplained cessation of any and all communications without any idea why. In most cases, you have reached out with good intent, and haven’t done anything “wrong,” but nothing.

Pure “radio silence.”

In a typical non-sales business environment (being ghosted in sales is another blog for another day), being ghosted can be awkward, confusing, and very frustrating.

Based on some recent discussions coming from our Business Leadership workshops, I put together some interesting insights and best practices on 3 things you can do when you are being ghosted in a typical business scenario.

You will drive yourself crazy. Resist the urge to obsessively overanalyze a situation or even blame yourself. It turns out that most of the time there is a very logical, non-emotional reason for the lack of contact including:

• Your message went to junk mail. It happens more than you think. Security is very tight these days so maybe a follow-up over LinkedIn or even a gentle text message saying, “I sent you an email but am worried it went to your junk folder” is a non-intrusive, sincere way of handling it.
• The person is extremely busy. We are living in different times. A lot of people I speak with share that there is no end to their 24-hour day and they have never been busier. This new world has been a huge adjustment for many and when people are focused, it’s very hard to respond to other things. Be patient, most of the time nothing is wrong.
• They are waiting for others. We live in a much more global, collaborative world where many people rely on others to make decisions. What we have discovered is that even though collaboration and teamwork are great for decision-making and creating an inclusive culture, it also takes a lot longer for things to actually get done.

Every message and every communication contains a “value proposition,” meaning there is some reason and some assumed value that you are offering in this message. Whether it is a follow-up email to a new idea, waiting back on your interest in a new job posting, or even setting up a virtual coffee meeting, your message to the other person must give that other person reason to take action.

Reexamine your message and ask yourself:

• Was this message interesting?
• Was the value proposition I am trying to share clear
• Did my message capture the other person’s attention?
• If I was on the other side of this, would I respond?
• Was there something off-putting or controversial in my message?
• Is this the type of message that will get lost in the shuffle?

There is an art and science behind the concept of the “gentle nudge.” A gentle nudge typically refers to a subtle, non-invasive reminder to someone to take action or consider something. It's a way of softly encouraging someone without being forceful or aggressive. Most people who are successful with the gentle nudge understand it’s meant to be supportive rather than pushy, reminding the other person that there are two people in this situation trying to move forward with an action, task, decision, or behavior.

Here are a few things to remember about using the gentle nudge:

• Tell the other person you are giving a gentle nudge. It takes the pressure off and keeps it lighthearted without being accusatory such as, “This is my third attempt to reach you, what is wrong with you, don’t you know I am important?”
• Don’t overwhelm. A gentle nudge is a gentle nudge. Assuming they physically received the message (email, voice mail, text, etc.) and it didn’t go to junk, the one thing you know for absolute certain is they saw it. The rest is up to them. They either want to and will respond or they won’t. It’s important then not to overwhelm and give the other person a reason for not responding. There is nothing more you can do.
• The rule of 3. If the other person hasn’t responded after 3 attempts (and you know they have received it), then there is nothing more to do. They have told you they are either not interested or something else has become a priority. And that is okay because you can move on knowing you did everything right and it’s the other person’s loss.